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Episode 1567 (27 January 1998)
Synopsis Dot goes to church to pray and waffles on to Alex about Matthew Chapter 19 Verse 24. Alex doesn't immediately recognise it. Dot says it's the one about camels through the eye of a needle. Alex says oh yes. She says that perhaps she ought to give all the money she has inherited away, and Alex says that he thinks for someone in her situation, that would be an unnecessary sacrifice. He adds that she could find other non-financial ways of contributing, and they agree she can clean the church as penance while the regular cleaner is away. She goes off to annoy someone else - Neelam as it happens. She buys a load of cleaning potions and cloths from the shop, and tells Neelam that she could of course buy it cheaper from a supermarket, but it is the duty of those with means to support local shops. She then asks if Neelam is capable of changing a £20 note. Neelam says, without emphasising the sarcasm at all, "I think we can stretch to that." Dot bends Nigel's ear about choosing the part of Queen Victoria. Nigel tells her it's Julie's decision and he has no influence over it. Grant then corners him later asking the same thing, and trying to put pressure on him saying he owes him a favour, especially since he and Julie... Grant asks how it's going between them, and Nigel says they had a kiss but it's not going anywhere as she's leaving in a few months for Scotland. Nigel adds that for the Queen Victoria role, he will tell Grant the same as he told Dot, it's nothing to do with him. Michael and Matthew are still arguing and Sarah passes and sticks her nose in. Matthew tells her to get rid of Michael for him, and she does, as they both go to the café. She asks about Matthew and offers her childish and naive advice, as usual, and says she could talk to Matthew. Michael says it won't help, but she can if she wants to. She goes to Matthew and is taken aback when he doesn't welcome her interfering platitudes. She says he's always angry, and he retorts that she's always moralising, and the best thing she can do is go away and pray for a miracle, and when his mother miraculously recovers from her terminal illness, then he will talk to her. Sarah doesn’t realise that this is the patently obvious problem with her moronic religious prattling - it never manages to fulfil its promises and some people aren't as gullible as she is - and goes off close to tears. Simon hassles Tony about his "new boyfriend", and safe sex, seeming to know something, because when Tony says "Nothing happened", Simon says "Why?" Tony admits it was because he was HIV+, and Simon has a go at him about that. Tony points out the illogics of Simon's new argument and that he obviously just wants to argue, and it's none of his business. Simon waffles on pathetically about it being mean to turn someone down for sex just because he was HIV+ and it might have hurt his feelings. Later, Simon sees Tony in the Vic with another bloke, and he just can't resist interfering again! Tony laughs and says it's his photographer. Simon asks "So where's his camera then?" Tony replies "In the boot of his car, we're off to do a job this afternoon." He is finally silenced. Grant asks Phil how it went with Annie last night and Phil says she was already occupied, with Conor. Conor is due to be at work, and is hurrying along to the Arches and overhears this. Grant says Conor is getting to be a nuisance, and Phil says forget it, she's just a woman. Grant says he doesn't mean that, and goes off almost bumping into Conor. Conor walks in and Phil tells him he's late, but adds jokingly that he's got a good excuse. Conor immediately says that if he had guessed for one second that Phil was interested in her he wouldn't have.... Phil says forget it. Conor adds that if it's any consolation she told him to get lost just after Phil left, and now he knows what those women all meant when they told him they felt "used." George visits Annie who is in her dressing gown, and says he left loads of messages at the club last night, and where was she. She says she hasn't looked at the machine yet, so he tells her to get out her black dress, as uncle Giuseppe has died. She says "Oh really?", and George tells her that she should be more considerate. She says he wasn't her real uncle; she hasn't seen him for 10 years and hardly knew him. George tells her that she will be going to his funeral tomorrow, whether she likes it or not. Later Phil goes to see Annie and tells her that Conor told him "everything". He asks what happened to the rule about not mixing business with pleasure. She says "That's assuming there was any pleasure." She explains that she couldn't give a toss about Conor, he just happened to be there and she acted on the spur of the moment. Phil asks what if he had just happened to be there. She says that's different because she cares what he thinks. Phil says sarcastically, don't tell me because you care about me deep down! She says no, because you're my business partner, and Conor was just a bit of rough. Annie says "No hard feelings?" Phil replies "No feelings at all." He asks if she can meet about business tomorrow, and she tells him about the funeral, and that the Italian family are close to her father, because Giuseppe once did 9 months in prison for George's money laundering. Phil goes to the café and tells Kathy that he's primed Marcus about the divorce and he is just waiting to hear from her solicitor. She says he's moved quickly. He goes to the Vic and tells Peggy about his divorce. George arrives and tells Peggy that the funeral may drag on a bit because they're Catholics. Phil asks a few questions about it and says he heard the families were very close, and George is obviously displeased and asks how he knows all this. He says Annie told him, so George leaves promptly and goes to tell Annie to keep their business to herself. He also implies that he suspects she's having an affair with Phil, and without confirming or denying it, she reminds him that if he and Peggy marry, Phil will be her step brother, so why not tell him about it - is it just in case Peggy finds out? Conor interrupts and asks for wages "for yesterday", and George is suspicious since it's an odd day to pay him. Annie says he's casual labour and if he looks at the books and is not happy he can sack her, otherwise, leave it to her. He leaves, telling her she'd better be ready at "1:30 tomorrow for the funeral, or there will be hell to pay." Jeff has an awkward conversation with Kathy in the café, saying he's not homophobic - he is a libertarian - so he hopes he didn't give her that impression when he mentioned it the other day. The police come to hassle Sanjay, finally telling him that they are here to give him some good news - the blood on the van is not Gita's or Sharmilla's. Sanjay says he already knew that, and why aren't they out looking for them? Later, Kathy and Alex chat in the café, with Kathy telling Alex that Phil's going ahead with the divorce, and then on a lighter note, that she will have to tell him what his father was saying to her earlier - but she sees Dot in the café and Ian arrives and she says she can't say it here. Dot gets up and tells Alex she hasn't forgotten and is just off to clean the church, but she has a few more January sales to go to first. Alex says God won't mind the wait. He tells Kathy to come round to the church later. Ian tells Kathy that Alex won't be so cheerful after he reads the letter he's written to the Gazette about the hostel. Kathy is concerned, and Ian says it's OK, he hasn't mentioned Alex by name! Meanwhile at Cindy's the social worker is due, and Cindy is wearing a glamorous black dress "to make a good impression." Nick tells her to go and change, because the social worker, who probably earns £15,000 a year, won't be impressed that she knows the difference between an YSL and an Armani, so go and put some jeans on. The doorbell rings, and Nick goes to stall the woman. They are interviewed and Nick is very astute about the impression he gives, even saying that Cindy had a sort of nervous breakdown when she took the kids, and would never have done it if she were in her right mind. She objects, and he says smoothly, "We are trying to be honest here..." Cindy goes on about how sorry she is and she really knew the kids needed their father all along but didn't admit it. The social worker asks if they have plans for marriage, and Cindy says she's still married to Ian. After this "Hello" interview, the social worker says, inscrutably, "Well, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes..., it all sounds too good to be true." Kathy turns up at the church and comments on the dust. Alex says that he thinks Dot still has a few more shops to go, and in her view she's probably given in to temptation. Alex says he thinks they've been very good, and Kathy says she can't take any of the credit for that. Alex tells her he's been thinking about her at the strangest times - when he's with the bishop, etc. Kathy asks him what he thought about, and he says he'd rather not have this conversation as he doesn't want to add sacrilege to his list of sins! Kathy tells him what his father said, and they laugh, and Kathy says she thinks it's because Alex went cold when his father mentioned he needed a good woman. She asks him to hold her for a minute, then she will go, so he does and then there's a small muffled noise in the church. They start, and Kathy says goodbye and kisses Alex on the cheek. This is viewed from behind some architecture, but it's totally unmistakable to the eagle eye of Dot who is there in the church! Credits Main cast *Dot Cotton - June Brown *Alex Healy - Richard Driscoll *Neelam Kapoor - Jamila Massey *Nigel Bates - Paul Bradley *Grant Mitchell - Ross Kemp *Michael Rose - Russell Floyd *Matthew Rose - Joe Absolom *Sarah Hills - Daniela Denby-Ashe *Simon Raymond - Andrew Lynford *Tony Hills - Mark Homer *Phil Mitchell - Steve McFadden *Conor Flaherty - Seán Gleeson *George Palmer - Paul Moriarty *Annie Palmer - Nadia Sawalha *Peggy Mitchell - Barbara Windsor *Jeff Healy - Leslie Schofield *Kathy Mitchell - Gillian Taylforth *Sanjay Kapoor - Deepak Verma *Ian Beale - Adam Woodyatt *Cindy Beale - Michelle Collins Guest cast * Nick Holland - Dominic Taylor Category:Episode Category:1998 Episodes